Before An Audience Of Death
by RinxFallenAngel
Summary: Nicholas Matthews Get Scared Love story. Lexi Collins lives alone in an empty booby trapped apartment building hiding from the world of death outside. WARNINGS: blood, Gore, Sex,
1. Before An Audience Of Death

I had seen in the news first. It was the end. I had seen the blood leaking from their mouths. Flesh wedged in-between their teeth. Their eyes were vacant, there was no conscious thought left. Just pure instinct. They were spreading you couldn't walk down the street anymore without a gun. They were roaming everywhere forever hungry. I had lost all contact with my family or friends I didn't know anyone who was alive anymore. In fact I wasn't sure if there was any. I had been letting out a radio cast to all radios nation wide but had received no reply. Things had defiantly changed. My apartment building only housed me and I had changed a few things about it. The windows were bulletproof. I had an alarm system around the yard; if anyone walked over it the alarm would blare. But of course since I didn't really have an alarm planetary (GO) by my chemical romance would blare out. There were booby traps set around the entire house. But I kept the rooms clean just in case I had encountered any living people. But of course I hadn't. This apartment building was growing steadily more and more lonely. Would I ever find anyone?

My priorities had sure changed from a couple of months ago. About 8 months ago I was your normal nineteen year old. Well not ordinary. I have long pure white natural hair and ghost white skin, with red eyes. You see I had contracted a disease when I was first born. My immune system was weaker than most and I was a lot weaker. But other than that I was normal. I had added royal purple streaks through my hair. I usually wore thick black eyeliner. I had snakebites, a tongue piercing, septum, 13 piercings in each of my ears and a belly button piercing. I had a few tattoos as well. But we will get into that later. I am only 5,5 slim but curved; I wear the Goth punk look. Hi my name is Alexandra, nicknames: Lexi, Alexis, Alex and yeah that is about it. And as I said things used to be normal. Well all of that was long gone.

All I did lately was hang around read, draw, sing, play my instruments, did I mention I play piano, guitar, bass, drums, violin and cello, oh and I sing and scream. And only once a week to I travel down to the local store to get food. This can take the whole day as I have many things to avoid. And I have kept stock check so I know that no one has entered the shop… well no living people at least.

I guess I still haven't explained what has happened. I was living in the zombie apocalypse. I can tell you now that it's not a pleasant experience. When you are hanging out in the mall and you here a clamour and walk around the clothes isle in hot topic to come across someone eating your best friend you cant help but be like " well f**k my life". After that all went down hill. Well correction I don't even know where is started. I think it had to do with a truck full of some S**t crashing and spilling over a graveyard. Or was that from a movie I had watched… oh well doesn't really matter all I need to know is that this world is now a very F**ked place.

This was a day where I had run out of all food and drinks and had to travel to the local supermarket. I hesitated out my front door gripping my baseball bat. And for your information no I did not have a gun and yes I should probably get one. I wandered down the street flinching at every single sound. Everyone could mean that death itself was following me. But they weren't exactly quiet in their stalking. I hear a crunch and dragging sound and I ran. I looked around and there were about ten around me. Well F**k.

I continued to run and slammed open the door to the supermarket and pushed a case over in front of it. I turned around and looked around things had moved in the store. I groaned in frustration was one really in here? I hesitantly made my way around the store. I heard a crunch in the next isle like someone had stepped on a packet of chips. I froze in my place. I heard more footsteps. they were slow like mine. I was walking out the end of the isle when a hand grabbed mine I screamed and swung my bat at it. I felt something catch my bat and looked up and into the eyes of a boy. He wasn't dead. I let out a sigh of relief I was still trembling slightly from my adrenaline rush.

" Oh thank god," I breathed and looked back into his eyes he seemed familiar.

" Yeah I was going to say that same thing" he had long black hair and pale skin. Where had I seen him before?

" Nice to meet you I am Lexi" I said holding out my hand to him. His hand clasped mine and I felt a spar I had to admit that this dude was hot.

" Nick Matthews" I paused and looked at him slightly shocked that is where I had seen him before I loved Get Scared. My favourite song was Sarcasm. * Ironically*

" Its good to see a fellow living person" I said awkwardly.

" Yeah where are you staying? We have been travelling for awhile now just barely making it through."

" I live in the apartment building down the end and we?"

" Yeah me and my friends Johnny B, Warren Peace, Logan V and Bradley Lloyd"

" Well you guys could stay with me if you like" I said and looked back into his eyes. Well wasn't this an amazing time to meet your favourite band. During a zombie apocalypse.

Oh wasn't this just peachy… Please just kill me!


	2. Lock The Doors

My attention had been wandering lately. I couldn't seem to get those eyes out of my mind. Shaking my head I sighed and flopped onto my bed and listened to Abigail, by motionless in white. The boys from get scared had been taking up residence in my apartment building for just over a month now. Nicholas and I had been hanging out together, more than I had with the others. We could talk for hours, but then again, that is the only thing left to do around here. We had gathered all of our food in the last stock check and there was nothing at all to do.

I sat up and looked out of the window, my eyes glancing down at the dead decaying forms rummaging through the trash. I sighed, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to become one of them. I wandered to the elevator and got in making my way to the first floor. Walking to the fridge, ignoring the ruckus of get scared wrestling going on around me. I opened the fridge and grabbed the last chocolate bar. I heard silence consume the room I was in. I turned and noticed all greedy little eyes on me. I began to back away before making a mad dash for the elevator. I felt a hand on my leg and struggled before getting tackled by four other bodies. I peered up and my eyes meet those familiar hazel ones.

"Well hello Nick" I greeted, trying to wiggle away from the get scared dog pile.

"Hey" He said, as his eyes greedily scanned down my arm to the chocolate bar I held clasped in it. I began to struggle under the pile as his hand edged up mine, until it reached my hand. I couldn't think of anything to do to stop his seeking of the chocolate bar. So. I bit him. He let out a shriek and I scrambled away and into the elevator, before pressing the button at an alarming rate. The doors closed and I sighed in relief.

I looked at the lights of the numbers of the floors as I continued my accent. My mind travelled back to his hazel eyes locked with mine. I sighed and shook my head before noticing I was almost at my floor. As the doors opened, there stood Nick. I paused in shock only long enough for him to grasp the candy in my hand and make a mad dash.

I came to the realization of what had happened but it was too late. He was out of view range. I sighed and headed into my boring room and flopped onto the bed, there was still nothing to do here. My eyelids made their decent and my mind was plunged into darkness.

I was awoken by a loud siren, followed by a drum beat and the lines;

"There might be something outside your window but you just never know" I paused. That was my alarm.

I grasped my baseball bat and got into the elevator. As it went down I felt my breath catch in my throat, they couldn't have possibly gotten here. Could they? As the doors slid open I was faced with a horrid sight, there was about ten of the decaying masses flopping around on the first floor. At the ding of the elevator, all of their attention was drawn towards me. They began their slow advancing. I began to panic pressing the close button to the elevator door. Just as one of their faces was so close to mine that I could smell the rotted flesh in his gums. A gunshot rang out around the room and the blood of the head close to me splattered onto my face. I could feel the blood leak down my shirt. My wide eyes looked up to meet familiar hazel ones.

"Nick I don't know how they got in" I said, as I wacked at the heads with my bat. More gunshots rang out as he made a clearing to me.

"That doesn't matter let's just get upstairs" He said, clasping my hand pulling me through the mass. As I took a breath relieved, we had reached safety. I felt an excruciating pain rip through my leg.

My gaze wandered downwards and I saw a zombie ripping into my leg with his cracked teeth, the pain was like nothing I had felt before. Then I felt it; the illness. I felt it seep into my blood stream as my mind pulsed. I could hear a voice, then a gunshot. I was being carried. I looked up and saw Nick holding me. His eyes seemed to be watering. What reason did he have to be sad?

I was laid onto a bed; my eyes began to roll into the back of my head. The world was growing steadily harder to hold a mental grip on. I wasn't sure what was happening but I knew I was cold. I felt a hand in mine, I looked over. It was Nick again. I smiled at him softly before falling asleep.

The never-ending black consumed my vision. It was cold here and quiet; so peaceful. I felt like I belonged. I laid back and relaxed in the abyss, this was a nice change from what my life had been; Nothing but hectic. I could just stay here forever, in my garden of nothingness.

"Alex" A voice cooed. It seemed to echo around this hollow place.

"Alex" It repeated. I sat up this voice was familiar but I couldn't place my finger on it.

"Please Alex" I did want to follow, but I didn't even know where to look for that voice. I began to run through the darkness. I couldn't find anything. I just kept running I knew I would find that voice soon and then I would see HIS face. The one I have been waiting for.

"Alex please I'm waiting" The voice called. Believe me I wanted to be there but I couldn't find my way no matter what I did. I leant back into the darkness and sunk to my knees, tears trailing down my face.

Believe me I wanted to get out of this. I wanted to live and I wanted a chance. I felt so weak and helpless in this situation.

Why couldn't I find him?

Nick.


	3. I Dont Care,Dont Let Me Die here

It had seemed like months now locked in my world of darkness. That voice would continue to play on repeat and I couldn't help but pine for nick, that boy had a hold on me. The darkness seemed to be getting colder and quieter. So whenever that voice called it was like banshee call make my ears want to burst rivers of blood.

My mind continued to torture me full of memories of nick. Not that I had many. I had to find a way to get out of here, but how? I got to my feet barely supported by my shaking legs. I took one step then another and before I knew it I was running, frantically through the darkness.

"NICK" I screamed into the darkness.

" NICK PLEASE" I begged and continued to run until my legs gave out from underneath me.

" Nick' I pleaded weakly into the darkness.

What was this worth anymore I would never get out there was no longer any hope harnessed inside my bones. I couldn't push myself to continue. I just dropped onto my side as tears leaked and I closed my eyes praying that I could just die rather than just being stuck here. Anything would be better than this.

I looked down at Alex's body lying on the bed before me. She was still alive even though she didn't look it. Her skin had gone even paler than before her hair lay dully by her side. Her skin was ice cold to touch and her breathing was so shallow that if you weren't focusing you would have presumed that she had none.

I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Johnny standing behind me a sympathetic look on his face. He knew how hard I had fallen for her and such a short period of time. And he knew how much it killed me to sit here and watch her die before me.

None of us were quick sure why she had not turned yet but we just figured that she would die instead. As Johnny would rationally put it, at least being dead is better than being one of them. But quite frankly at the moment I just wanted her back no matter what form she is in.

" NICK" ice ran down my spine at the shrill scream and I spun to face her to see her convulsing on the bed a cold sweat dripping down her forehead.

"NICK PLEASE" I gripped her hand tightly and looked down at her.

"Nick" I heard the plead in her voice but didn't know what it was that I could possibly do to help her.

" Alex I'm here Alex please hear me" I pleaded and kissed the top of her hand only to recoil in shock. Her skin had begun to burn up it was getting to hot to hold. I had to let her hand go as I look down at her. 

"Johnny what's happening?" I pleaded hoping to get some reasonable sense out of him. I looked up to see just as much of a dumbfounded expression on his face as on the others around him.

I turned back to her and picked up her hand again not caring if it burnt me or not. I would let her know that I was here. I would always be here.

I gripped my sides as a sharp pain shot down my body. I lay in shock and confusion, and was soon consumed in a burning pain coursing through my veins. I screamed out in agonised pain arching and convulsing. This was hell I knew it was it had to be nothing else explained this torment. But what had I done that was deserving of this punishment.

The pain continued and all I could do is scream and cough up the occasional glob of blood. I could feel my bones cracking and forming into something else. Something inside of me was changing I couldn't be quite sure what it was. My skin, eyes, bones and heart all felt different.

Improved.

I saw a light in the distance and I scrambled to my bloody feet and ran screaming in determination I was going to get out of here. I burst through the light.

My eyes were blinding by light as they darted around my new surroundings they seemed familiar but also distant like I hadn't been here for a long time. I looked around and my eyes meet wide terrified hazel ones.

"N-nick' I questioned through a hoarse voice. My throat hurt from the screams that had been coming from it a few seconds ago. But I just couldn't grasp the fact that I was back. Here with nick. Why did he look so scared? He seemed terrified of me. I couldn't fathom why.

I sat up and reached out to him but he seemed to take a step back. He looked so scared by why would he be scared of me. I still had a logical train of thought. I could coherently speak and I could grasp what was going on around me… well things were still kind of odd. So why would he be scared of me. I couldn't possibly be one of them I didn't have the symptoms.

I mean I wasn't hungry for human flesh. No. But. I was hungry for something else however. My eyes drafted down his neck I wanted it. All of that life source. I looked back up into his eyes, prickles of ice in my gut, something was wrong defiantly wrong. I reached out to him again only to seem him cringe again.

Tears pricked at my eyes as I held my hand out to him.

" Nick please" I pleaded I just needed something familiar right now. I didn't feel safe in my own body. I needed him.

I needed to know what the hell was wrong with me.

I wanted to know what had gone wrong.

Please nick.


	4. Im Loosing Everythhing

I couldn't understand why they all just stood there staring at me. They seemed so afraid. What was wrong with me? This all made now sense to me at all.

" Nick?" I questioned my voice shaking with trepidation. My heart was pounding in my head. All of this was too much. What was going on? I saw Nicholas hesitate but take a step towards me.

" Lexis How you feeling?" he asked his voice trembled slightly. I frowned slightly why was he scared of me I would never do anything to hurt him.

" Confused" I replied honestly none of this was making any sense what so ever.

" What are you confused about?" he questioned hesitantly. I frowned annoyed.

" Why you are all treating me like I am the plague" I hissed angrily this wasn't fear why were they treating me like this? I saw them stiffen slightly then nick sighed and relaxed.

" Look, lexis. Something has happened to you caused by the bite" he said, I felt my heart leap into my throat, what had happened? What was I?

" I'm not sure what happened but your different can't you tell?" he questioned me. I paused to analyse myself, I felt strong, everything was more apparent around me, not only that but the thirst for blood. I wasn't a vampire as I was sitting in the early morning sun that shone through the window, and I could control myself. I looked into nick's eyes. Now that I looked a second time, they didn't appear scared. They held concern, concern for me, for what happened, for my mentality. Tears welled in my eyes.

I had been sitting in this room for almost two days now, not leaving, I couldn't face them, and I couldn't handle the thought of ever hurting them. The pain in my chest and stomach continued to intensify over the days.

I looked to my door as I heard a knock. I looked up to see Johnny enter. He wore a sheepish grin as he approached me. I looked down and shifted in my bed so that he could come and sit next to me. I felt the bed give slightly under his weight. I couldn't look in his eyes. I couldn't stand that look that everyone gave me. Sympathy. It was such a vile thing. I couldn't stand it at all. I mean I understood the notion, but why express it no one likes it when it is directed towards them.

" How's it going?" he questioned me and I felt a hand on mine. I looked up at him and more tears fell, why just why? He pulled me to his chest letting my face rest on his shoulder with the tears freely falling me captured in the material directly under them?

And that is when I heard it.

That delectable pulsing. I paused in my sobs and my eyes drifted upwards to his neck. I could sense it, that force of life flooding through his body making everything function, and bringing him life. My stomach cramped painfully. I couldn't restrain myself, my let my teeth sink in and began to draw forth that source that I so craved.

My mind was blank to the screams in the background and the footsteps before my body was hitting the floor and nick stood between Johnny and me. My eyes widened as I felt the crimson liquid seep from my mouth and down my chin. I couldn't believe that I could have even harmed Johnny, one of my closest friends.

There was a certain fire in nick's eyes as he stood before me, in-between Johnny and me. Tears flooded my cheeks once again as I looked at the carnage that I had caused. Johnny sat on the bed holding his blood-coated neck as he stared between me and nick with wide eyes. I don't think what had happened had quite registered in his thoughts. My body began to shake as I saw the blood dripping onto the bed, I wanted more. But I couldn't I wouldn't hurt Johnny or nick like that again I swore that.

" Get out" my eyes widened as the words left nick's mouth. I looked up at him in shock.

" B-but there all out there, there are hundreds, I could die-"

"I don't care," he snapped and I shrank back from him more tears prepared to fall.

"Nick wai-"

"No she hurt you I wont let her be here to hurt others" nick cut Johnny off mid sentence as he tried to defend me.

"But nick she didn't mean to" Johnny pleaded getting to his feet but soon stumbling and falling into nick who caught him. I got to my feet to help him but was soon halted at the glare I had never seen directed towards me before from nick.

" I said get out" he hissed as he sat Johnny down gently and got to his feet and stood before me, towering over me. He advanced slightly still glaring. Tears fell hard and fast at this.

" Get out before I make you," he said moving closer, I looked down and saw that look. Sympathy. I didn't deserve or want it, especially from Johnny. I deserved everything that nick was giving me. He was just thinking of his friends, of survival. I was a threat. I was death walking.

But no matter what I did that look always angered me. Sympathy was something I hated the most.

"I'll slit my throat, so I'll bleed the truth. Cut out my tongue so I speak no excuse. There's enough trash in this blood to pallet you. And I'm just a fuck" I hissed at him before spinning and running out of the room to the elevator. I pressed the button and ran inside as the doors opened and looked up to see him watching me from the doorway, just as the doors closed a saw something I didn't think I would in his eyes.

A single tear of regret. Well there was nothing to do about it now, the door dinged as I reached my destination. The first floor. The floor currently flooded with the dead. Flooded with the venom that made me this. The doors opened and I prepared myself for he assault. Mentally muttering.

I've been falling apart

Self destructive at heart

It's ok; it's ok if you hate me

I've been living my death

Over and over again

It's ok; it's ok if you hate me

Cause I hate me


	5. Best Kind Of Mess

I stood and watched as the doors closed on her face and the lights slowly ticked down her fate to the first floor. I knew I could have possibly killed the only person that I loved. That one tear that lingers on the tear duct burst forth and dripped down my check. What had I done?

I felt a fist connect to my check and I was soon plummeted to the floor. My head rotated and my eyes caught the sight of Johnny standing over me, he looked pale and soon collapsed on top of me exerting the last of his energy in the punch. He glared up at me from my lap.

" She never meant to" he breathed out looking up into my eyes, his held so much anger and sadness all blended together. My very core burnt with the guilt that was held pent up. I knew as soon as though words escaped my poisoned tongue that I had created not a ripple but an atomic bomb of an aftermath, one that may end with the one I love dead.

I heard the ding and turned my head and my eyes caught sight of the yellow shining 1 on the elevator. She had reached the bottom. Where they were all waiting hungrily to finish what they had started. Ice jolted down my spine as I imagined her being torn piece by piece apart. More tears fell down my face at the very concept. I lay Johnny down gently when I heard the front door slam before running to the window. I saw her bolt away. Down the street blood covering her arm.

" LEXI WAIT" I screamed after her, but she continued to go, to run to far for me to see or reach for. She was gone. Possibly forever. I lent back against the wall sliding down until I hit the floor. Combing my fingers through my hair I covered my face and screamed, letting out all of the anger, frustration, misery and loss. How could I do this? I'm such a foolish motherfucker.

I screamed and pulled at my hair as the weight of loosing her set in. I knew this was my fault. I never meant to chase her away, I just. I panicked. I couldn't think clearly seeing the blood coming from Johnny and her attacking him, made me panic. And now what did I have. I lost her.

" FUCK" I shouted and smacked my head back against the wall as tears run down my face.

" I just fucking got her back," I sobbed curling into myself. My hair hung knotted around me as tears ripped out of my tear ducts and flooded my checks. I looked to the ceiling as I felt a part of me die away inside. How could someone I had known for such a short period of time affect me like this? I honestly didn't know. And it didn't matter how it happened; now I was tied to her and being away from her ripped at my insides. I couldn't take it. But now I had no choice I forced her away.

The weeks had past and everyday I sat on that chair by the window knees pulled to the chest eyes never wavering from my search for her returning figure. I knew I must have been dreaming if I thought she would come here after everything I did. I had been broken. I continuously cried, my insides felt hollow or torn. I never ate. I never slept. I honestly didn't care if I died sitting here waiting here for her. I wasn't moving I would be here when she came back to me. Then again that would never happen now would it.

Not only had I lost who I loved but Johnny hadn't even spoken to me since then. I knew he was mad for what I did. I couldn't take back the past, now matter how much I wished that I could there was nothing that I could do.

As my only solution I had been drinking endlessly, I suppose I was waiting to die of the poisoning. The only time anyone would visit me now was when I was sober, that was almost never. And now shame creeps down my spine like a knife and it's taking its time. I have no idea what to do. The things had been advancing up the stairs slowly and steadily further each and every day. And all we could do was sit here and wait until they reached the top level. We were cornered waiting to die.

I heard the door open behind me and I turned to see Johnny enter. I could only imagine he was here to chew me out again. Everyone knew that this was what I deserved; this was my own fault now I had to sit in my own filth I had created.

" You should go after her" were the only words out of his mouth. A hollow chuckle with no hope escaped my mouth.

"I'm not calling the shots I'm just calling it quits. Would you love me? Would you hold me in this wreck that I am?" I replied to him. All hope gone from my voice. I saw him flinch from the raw emotion of my self-loathing. It was what I deserved after all.

" You know that it hurts so bad, I wish I could stop but I'm so used to sad" I muttered and played with the top of my bear bottle.

I heard his footsteps then felt his arms wrap around my body as tears shook me again. It seemed I could have drowned the world by now. And now I couldn't help but have the feudal hope of drowning myself if I cried long and hard enough. Then again if that were to ever be physically possible. It would have happened by now.

"Talk to me now while I'm sober, the way that you look, I know it's almost over, the fighting has stopped, But I'm still so lost, will you bring me in?" I whispered and looked up into his eyes. I saw that look of sympathy but I found myself so lost that I could no loner care about that look that angered so many people.

"Nick you have to see what are you doing to yourself, at the rate you are going you will end up killing yourself" he said and I laughed bitterly at him. The bitterness built up inside, bitterness at the situation, at myself, and at what I had buried myself. Turning to him I took a deep breath ready to vent what had been running through my head for the last few weeks. All of the self-destructive things that had been flowing through my brain waves.

"How will I stop? When will I start burning? Will I come clean to say that I'm wrong? I'm the best kind of mess!"


	6. Screaming On The Inside,Ive Come Undone

I sat in the little apartment I had. My purple eyes flashed as the moonlight hit them as the scanned the streets below. Not many of those things had been wandering around lately. It had been two years since I last saw nick. And since then the emotions of sadness had begun to fester and curdle into pure blinding hatred. I know what I did was wrong but what he did was unnecessary, I was young, scared, and had no idea what was going on within myself. He was cruel, uncaring and abandoning. He had no right to be so self-righteous. This hatred held so strong to my bones. This hatred seared into the marrow right to the core.

I now just waited in my apartment and hunted those things. The world had not gotten any better since the change had happened. People were still scarce and those dead things still over ran the world. So all I could do now was hunt and kill them and hope that it would help keep people alive long enough to replenish the gene pool.

I had gotten better at controlling the newfound powers that I had developed from that bite. I had deduced that because of the illness that I had developed, it mixed with the chemical of the venom from the dead and then it created me. Something dead but not quite. I found that the dead didn't have a hunger for my flesh I could walk the streets quite comfortably with out fear of being attacked.

I knew that state I had left the apartment building in when I had left it. The bottom floor overrun with dead, slowly advancing up the stairwell. I couldn't care less if Nicholas was dead, I just didn't want the others being harmed. But if I knew Johnny he would have defended Nicholas to the end no matter what he had done.

A growl ripped from my throat at the thought of him. The backstabbing bastard. To think I had once thought that I loved him. Well didn't that blow up in my face? I new there was a reason as to why I didn't like other humans. I could only wish that if he didn't die, I could get the chance to kill him myself. But I would prove him wrong first. Prove to him I had control that even he couldn't fathom. I was just screaming on the inside, yeah on the inside I've come undone.

"And I'm waiting for a time like, Yeah, for a time like this, To prove you wrong" I muttered to myself with all of the hate and malice built up over the years pouring onto each and every single word that escape my lips.

" Over here it's empty" I heard from about five alleys over. I recognised that voice. Growls echoed in my room as my hand gripped the window pain splitting the wood. Why was he alive? I then smirked to myself. This could play to my advantage. Now I could finally do to him what I have been waiting to do for two years now. I could finally make him pay for the pay he had put me through. I didn't care if he begged, or pleaded he was not getting out of this.

Leaping out of the window I landed hard of the cement and got up and began to walk to the alley in which I had heard his voice from. The wind whipped through my long white hair. My purple eyes scanned the area around me. Waiting for a glimpse of him. Nicholas. This would be his final day. I would personally see to that. He would be fed to the things he feared the most. This was going to be just perfect. I smirked to myself at the mere thought of what I was planning for him. This was perfect.

I stood in front of him. Here he was the one I was waiting to punish. But as soon as my eyes met his hazel ones, those emotions flared up. I shook my head and glared at him mustering up all of my hate again.

"Well hello Nicholas" I hissed and glared at him I saw the shock in his eyes. He couldn't believe I was here standing before him. Alive.

"L-lexi?" he questioned. I growled at the mention of my name and looked at him.

"Surprised aren't ya? I'm not dead unlike you planned' I hissed and stalked towards him. Anger flaring out of all of my pores. "The person you wanted gone the most is standing right here. Right in front of you?" I growled into his ear as I got close enough to lean into him. I felt his muscles tense against me and felt that pulse pick up in fear.

"At the edge of us, I'm holding on, I've lost your trust, But I'm still trying, I've changed in many ways, I can't explain, I've lost my touch, And I'm not lying" he whispered into my ear. Leaning closer to me I felt his begin to try and wrap his arms around me. I growled and ripped away from him I was not going to get drawn into him again. I was through with him he was going to pay for what he did to me. Looking into his eyes as my flared the anger bubbling up and over.

" You've got a grip on me, I cannot take it by mistake, and you're the coward, my tongues become a gun, you've tortured me, I'm out of luck, and you're the trigger!" I screamed at him. Taking a step away from him as he took one forward I could not take it. Here he was still taunting me. Saying he loved me, how he had changed, how he would make everything all right. I can't take it I had to end this. I couldn't stand to be here in front of him to have those eyes watching my every more. Judging, analyzing me. I just couldn't take it. I saw the look of hurt and confusing flash through those eyes. Those perfect hazel eyes that used to mean so much to me when I caught sight of them.

" What goes on behind those eyes of yours, I'll never know but I've been told, When this all comes crashing down on us, I'll be here to sort us out" he cooed and took another step towards me as I took more back. I couldn't be near him. As I continued to go back I felt the wall behind me. I looked up and saw him still advancing. I began to shake my head in denial I couldn't have him there I just couldn't take it.

He was soon standing right there. Just in front of me just in reach. I could feel his breath on my face and I looked downcast to avoid him. My skin sparked as I felt his fingers on my chin making me look up and into those hazel eyes that trapped me where I stood. The eyes I couldn't say no to. No matter how much I tried to. There was nothing that I could do to ward them off. Tears pricked at my eyes. The tears of denial melting down the brick wall I had been building up over the last two years of nothing but pain.

Screaming on the inside, yeah on the inside, i've come undone.


	7. All These Things I Can't Stop

Those eyes remained locked with mine. Those purple ones. They held so much pain and sorrow. It killed me to know I had caused this. Because of a few careless words, sprouted from a sudden rage. I lent down and pressed my lips into hers. This felt right, just to have her in my arms. Holding her there her lips pressed to mine. I felt comforting. It felt right. I knew we have both done some stupid things. Me more so. But I just wanted to move on and get on with living my life. I wanted to have her here with me. I wanted her to be mine. And here she was in my arms finally after two years. With my lips on hers I felt home.

I kept my lips pressed to her holding her tighter to me. Just waiting for a response from her. I needed that confirmation from her. I needed her to forgive me. I had changed I am not the man I used to be. I wanna move on, wanna let go of sorrow

I wanna live on, I wanna change tomorrow, you picked me apart, it's all so hard

I'm moving forward. I felt her relax and her lips move against mine. My heart swelled at the feeling as I pulled her tighter to me and deepening the kiss. This felt right.

I pulled back and smiled at her looking into her eyes. Her chest pressed to mine it was contenting. I kissed the top of her head. As I held her there I swear I would never to anything to hurt her ever again.

" I wanna move on, wanna let go of grieving, I wanna be home, without all the screaming, I'm taking life back, like a heart attack, I'm moving forward" I cooed into her ear as I pulled her back into my chest. Stroking her hair. I knew this was right. I gripped her hand in mine and looked at her smiling.

" can you take up to where you are staying?" I asked her watching her reaction and her body language. She still seemed hesitant around me. Then again under circumstances that was completely understandable. I saw her nod before she led us to a small apartment.

It wasn't much. Just a small apartment in the less well off part of town. Not that it mattered much now. The cream wallpaper was peeling off the walls. The carpet had turned from white to gray. Spiders had made there white stringy homes in the corners of most windows. A small draft could blow through sending a slight chill to the room. Her bed was just a mattress on the floor. With sheets and a ripped duvet. I looked at her and noticed that she was the best looking thing in this room. Her hair long and smooth her tight leather corset and black skinny jeans with steel cap dock martin high heels. The way those clothes hugged her body was tantalizing. Making my already wicked thoughts that much naughtier. I could imagine her on a bed below me screaming my name.

Shaking my head I pulled my mind away from those thoughts to focus on the present and the important. I looked at her. Her eyes seemed so hollow and broken. I paused in my actions and studied her that much closer. Her skin was pale. And she looked well, but her eyes screamed another story. They were broken and torn full of betrayal and shattered anger leaving behind only vulnerability and sadness to harbor over decades in her eyes. They were depicting the story of her life of her pain and torment. The very same pain and torment that I had caused. I was the one behind her broken eyes. I walked over to her resting my hand on her porcelain check and made her look into my eyes. Those eyes of hers were haunting holding every little mistake I had ever made to wrong her. I frowned and pulled her to me and held her tight. I couldn't look into those eyes. They held to much truth that I still did not want to face. I couldn't face what I had done. The aftermath of my actions. This was raw and painful these emotions laid out on broadcast for the world to see.

As time dragged on in that apartment with her. It slowly began to feel like the world could see all of my mistakes portrayed in her eyes. I knew only one person who could help when my mind was in inner turmoil. I went to Johnny's room and knocked on the door only to have the door wrenched open and me dragged inside.

" I knew you would come here eventually. " he said and looked into my eyes before pushing me onto the bed and seating me there I looked up at him. Stress evident in my eyes. " Just vent"

"All these things I can't stop running through my head, these things I can't stop through everything" I groaned out gripping my hair and hiding my face. " Her eyes hold so much accusation, screaming at me my mistakes that I have ever made to her, I hurt her so much Johnny and now I have no idea on how to make things right again" I said and looked up at him, I need council right now.

He took a seat on the bed beside and sighed, I looked over to him and waited for some form of advice to take to make everything better. At the moment the only idea running through my head was to run away. Run away from everything. I knew it would hurt me I didn't want to have to live without her but at the moment living with her was just as painful as not. Everyday having a permanent reminder of what I did to her. Making the scene play on repeat in my mind. Over and over, day in and day out.

" Nick you have to talk to her. About everything. I know you may be hurting but so is she and you both need to clear up everything that has happened between you two. It wont clear itself up and you have to face what you have done everyone has to there is now easy way around the obstacles and knock down in front of ourselves." What he said made much sense. And it just confirmed to me that I knew what to do. I knew how to deal with this.

I had to leave, that way it would get me out of the picture and she could finally move on and let go of everything that happened. She could finally forget and I wouldn't have to live with looking in those eyes of hers. I knew that we both needed to move of even if that meant that we had to move on with out each other. This would be for the best for us. I just knew it would be.

Now I've moved on, you know that I'm not leaving, It's time to let go, time to start believing, I'm running away to stop all the pain, I'm moving forward. I had decided that I would leave. So after my conversation with Johnny I waited for night to fall. I got up and snuck to the door with my backpack I was ready to go. I opened the door before a single voice broke through the silence.

" Are you really going to abandon me again?"


End file.
